Deal with immediate safety first
Move away from danger, arrange a safe adult and get emergency help where needed.
Help and advice for parents
You do not have to work everything out alone.
Choose the problem that feels most urgent. Each section gives a simple first step, what to say and where to find local support.
Immediate danger or serious medical emergency?Call 999. For urgent health advice that is not an emergency, use NHS 111. If you believe a child may be at risk, contact the child’s local council children’s services.
Start here
When everything feels overwhelming
Choose one problem for today
Write down the single issue causing the most harm: safety, housing, food, health, school or money.
Contact one suitable service
A family hub, school, GP, health visitor or council early-help team can help identify the correct next step.
Ask for the plan in writing
Request the named action, responsible person and date for review. Keep all references and messages.
Behaviour and routines
Reduce conflict before trying to fix everything
Look for the trigger
Note when the behaviour happens, what came before it and whether tiredness, hunger, school, anxiety or change may be involved.
Use two or three clear rules
Keep rules short, realistic and consistent. Explain the consequence calmly before the next incident.
Notice positive behaviour
Give specific praise when your child manages a difficult moment, follows a routine or communicates calmly.
Ask for help when patterns continue
Speak to school, a GP, health visitor or family hub where behaviour is affecting safety, learning, sleep or family life.
Example request for support
“We are seeing a repeated pattern of [brief description] at home and/or school. It is affecting [sleep, safety, learning or relationships]. Please advise what assessment or parenting support is available and who should coordinate the next steps.”
School problems
Make the concern specific and measurable
Record dates and examples
Keep messages, attendance records, behaviour points, injuries, exclusions and what your child reports.
Ask for the right people
Request a meeting with the teacher or head of year. Ask for the SENCO or safeguarding lead where relevant.
Agree actions and a review date
Ask what will change, who will do it, how progress will be measured and when you will meet again.
Use the formal complaints process
If informal steps fail, follow the school’s published complaints stages and attach your evidence.
Emotional wellbeing
Take changes in mood or behaviour seriously
Create a calm chance to talk
Ask open questions without immediately correcting, judging or promising secrecy you cannot keep.
Check the basics
Look at sleep, food, friendship changes, bullying, school pressure, online activity and recent family changes.
Tell a suitable professional
Contact the GP, school pastoral lead, health visitor or local family hub and explain how long the change has lasted.
Escalate urgent risk
Seek urgent professional help where there is talk of self-harm, suicide, serious violence, exploitation or a child going missing.
Conflict, arguments and domestic abuse
Lower the temperature — but put safety before reconciliation
If anyone is in immediate danger, call 999.If you cannot speak on a mobile call, press 55 when prompted. Domestic abuse is never the victim’s fault, and nobody should be expected to “calm down” an abusive person.
Pause the argument early
Use a short sentence such as “We are both upset. I am going to pause this conversation and return when it is safe and calm.” Move children away from the argument where possible.
Create physical space
Do not block doorways, follow someone from room to room, take their phone or continue shouting. Avoid kitchens, bathrooms and places where weapons or hard surfaces could increase danger.
Regulate before discussing
Slow your breathing, lower your voice, drink water and wait until both people can speak without threats or insults. Do not try to settle serious issues while intoxicated.
Recognise when this is abuse
Fear, threats, coercive control, stalking, financial control, sexual pressure, strangulation, violence or repeated intimidation are not ordinary disagreements. Seek specialist support rather than joint mediation.
A calm boundary
“I will discuss this when we are both calm. I will not continue while there is shouting, threats, intimidation or the children are present. I am leaving the room now and will seek help if anyone is unsafe.”
Domestic abuse help
Official guidance for victims, friends, family members and people worried about their own behaviour.
Open GOV.UK →National Domestic Abuse Helpline
Free, confidential support for women, available 24 hours a day.
Get support →Men’s Advice Line
Confidential support for male victims of domestic abuse.
Get support →Worried about your own behaviour?
Respect offers confidential help to people concerned they may be harming a partner or family.
Get help to change →Relationships, sex and future planning
There is no need to rush sex, commitment or parenthood
Parents can talk about this without shame or lectures. The aim is to help young people make informed choices, recognise pressure and understand that affection does not create an obligation to have sex or a baby.
Get to know the person
Notice how they handle disappointment, boundaries, money, family, jealousy and responsibility over time. Promises made early in a relationship are not the same as demonstrated behaviour.
Consent must be free and ongoing
Either person can say no or stop at any time. Pressure, guilt, threats, intoxication or fear are not consent.
Plan before sex
Discuss contraception, condoms, STI testing, privacy and what each person would do if pregnancy occurred. NHS contraception and sexual-health services are free and confidential.
Think beyond the baby stage
Before planning a child, talk honestly about housing, income, childcare, work, health, values, wider family support and how parenting duties would be shared if the relationship ended.
A useful conversation opener
“You never owe anyone sex to prove love. Take your time, watch how the person treats you and others, and make decisions that protect your health and future. You can talk to me without being punished for asking questions.”
Internet dangers, grooming and exploitation
Stay curious, calm and involved in your child’s online life
Talk before there is a crisis
Ask which apps, games and group chats they use, who can contact them and what they would do if someone made them uncomfortable. Avoid opening with blame.
Know common warning signs
Watch for secret accounts, unexplained gifts or money, sudden older friends, sexualised messages, threats, requests to move chats to private apps, disappearing messages or distress after going online.
Set practical protections
Use age-appropriate privacy settings and parental controls, restrict messages from strangers, turn off unnecessary location sharing and agree rules for images, livestreaming and meeting online contacts.
Respond without punishing disclosure
If a child tells you something, stay calm, say you believe them and explain that it is not their fault. Preserve usernames, URLs and messages, but do not forward sexual images of a child.
Report urgent concerns.Call 999 where a child is in immediate danger. Report online sexual grooming or exploitation to CEOP. Contact the NSPCC for advice when you are worried about a child.
Report to CEOP
Report online sexual abuse, grooming or concerning contact involving a child.
Open CEOP Safety Centre →Understand grooming
Learn how grooming works, warning signs and how to support a child.
Open NSPCC guidance →Set parental controls
Practical guidance for devices, apps, games and home internet.
Open parent guide →Southwark online-safety guidance
Local advice on grooming, extreme content, cyberbullying and scams.
Open council guidance →Co-parenting and separation
Keep the child out of adult conflict
Use one written channel
Keep messages factual and focused on arrangements, school, health and the child’s needs.
Confirm practical arrangements
Write down collection times, medication, activities, travel, costs and emergency contacts.
Do not use the child as messenger
Adults should exchange important information directly and avoid asking the child to take sides.
Get specialist help where needed
Consider mediation or legal advice when arrangements cannot be agreed or there are safety concerns.
Example neutral message
“For clarity, I understand the arrangement to be [details]. Please confirm by [time/date]. The priority is that [child’s name] has a predictable plan and both households have the necessary school and health information.”
Local support
Family hubs can help you find the right service
Lewisham Family Hubs
Advice on parenting, childcare, finances, health, wellbeing and support for young people.
Open official service →Southwark Best Start Family Hubs
Face-to-face support for families, including children and young people up to 25 with SEND.
Open official service →Southwark parenting programmes
Free programmes and groups covering different ages and parenting challenges.
See current programmes →Lewisham Youth Service
Youth clubs, holiday provision, one-to-one support and activities.
See what is available →Information last checked: 29 July 2026. Content on domestic abuse, sexual health and online safety links to official or specialist services and should be reviewed regularly. Always confirm dates, eligibility and availability with the official provider.